Newly single Rosie Green on feeling all the feels (and kissing someone new)

"Everything is ramped up in technicolour again"

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JESS REFTEL EVANS AND MARTIN REFTEL

Do you feel at your most alive when life is at its most precarious? When you feel untethered? Vulnerable?

When you are experiencing the new and the strange.

I do.

Perhaps that’s why coming of age movies and books are so powerful. That fresh flood of emotions, the surge of hormones, the new found freedom and the forging of a new identity.

When music speaks to you, art pervades your soul and books resonate.

And experiences simultaneously terrify and electrify.

I can remember almost everything about walking through security alone at Heathrow about to board a flight to New York at 18.

Ditto the smells and sounds on the National Express Coach to Bristol a year later. Going to meet an old friend in a new place. Massive Attack on my headphones.

And the underground nightclubs of my home town, where the beat pulsed through you, the strobe lights illuminating a mix of familiar and strange faces, where everything was possible and nothing was off limits.

Then there was showing up everyday at a fashion magazine where I was an unsophisticated intern. Someone who thought Barnard Marcus was a person and it was sensible to get the tube from Piccadilly Circus to Leicester Square. Who cut off Lord Snowdon. More than once.

Feeling all the feels.

Then perhaps to redress an unconventional childhood, I attempted to immunise myself against the unfamiliar.

Work, work, work for the house in London in the safe neighbourhood.

Constantly strive to make things more secure. Move to get the kids into good schools. Upgrade the house. Pay into a pension (hmm didn’t manage that one)

It worked – but I guess the side effect was valium-like haze where you might not get the lows, but highs are muted too.

So what are the highs of finding myself single for the first time in, well forever?

Everything is ramped up in technicolour again.

Kissing someone new. (Do not underestimate how good this is).

A post shared by (@lifesrosie) on

Staying up late.

And you have no choice but to live in the moment. Such an over used phrase –

but projecting into the future is just too overwhelming.

All you can do is go with how you feel right now.

Which is…

On fire.

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